Hurt and Rejection

What are we really dealing with in hurt and rejection

When someones actions create a response of emotional hurt, the pain we feel is the inability to process the difference between what we assume is acceptable and what occurred. There is a painful mismatch between our expectations and the reality of what happened.

Rejection comes when others do not see us a way we want, through disapproval or non acceptance. We feel we are being shunned or discarded and it often creates feelings of not being good enough, of not being valued or wanted.”

Inherently we all want to be liked, to fit in and be part of something larger than ourselves. Being accepted brings a sense of validation that our way of being is on the right track. Those who have a broader perspective of themselves and their relationship to world they interact with, usually feel the impact of disparity and criticism less intensely..

What is known

Psychologists have long realized those with sensitivities to hurt and rejection can easily be overwhelmed by these emotions. Luckily these sensitivities can be reset and prioritized in ways more supportive to the persons overall well being, if the person is open to seeing things differently. For those where life has become too overwhelming,  extra care must be taken in helping them sort through these areas  When any set of events pushes a person too far past their threshold of sensitivity, even the small things become too much.

Raising self esteem and self worth can be a productive course of action to pursue in helping a person relate to differences more effectively.


Is it just about letting go of hurt and rejection?

The ideas we hold tightest become our greatest concerns when they turn out unexpectedly. It is difficult for those who get stuck on ideas of how things are supposed to be,  of how others should treat us,  of what is fair.  Many have constructed unconscious blueprints not allowing the acceptance of certain types of events.  When we can’t do something about the things we don’t know how to accept or if we just can’t process,  it can be painful. It is difficult to digest the unimaginable or find self supportive solutions if we can’t get beyond certain ideas or feelings .

Everyone’s level of sensitivity and interpretation skills are different. How we deal with rejection and hurt is not genetically inherent,  it is learned. Unfortunately many have never learned to effectively process beyond the interpretations of their sensitivities. It is difficult for those who do not know how to release, influence and work through areas of sensitivity. What we place importance on, how quickly we can release ideas and process emotions is what determines how easy it is to accept change.

When one can’t find resolution of way to support emotional sensitivities and perceptions , it may be time to seek help. Hurt and rejection left unchecked or repressed can lead to erratic bouts of anger. Over the long run it may lead to feeling disconnected or confused, isolated or depressed.

overcome hurtMake Changes That Give You the Emotional Freedom to Have Choice

Making change need not be difficult if you understand how the mind and nervous system work. At Designed Thinking we specialize in helping clients make changes in unwanted patterns. Change how you think; you change how you act, you change how you feel

There is hope for those desiring to release old emotions, be it anger, guilt, grief or sadness.  We help many clients right in the comfort of their home. Call our toll free number 866-718-9995 to find out how. It’s never too late when your are ready to change.



  1. Dear,

    It seems I have reached a state where I have put a foot down to not taking any more verbal abuses. My husbands favorite phrase is: 1. two wrongs don’t make a right 2. forgive and forget.

    Now I have started giving him back, when ever he tries to abuse me verbally. When he questioned my behavior I told him to forget and forgive as two wrongs will not make a right. I told him its easy to preach, now try and practice.

    Only concern is that I feel lonely and depressed. Need to find ways to forget my husband and overcome past pains .


    • Sangeeta
      Congratulations on standing up for yourself. That takes some real courage. There is always fault in the logic of the abuser and in their mind most of the logic is a one way street. They want to dish it out but they don’t want to recieve it back.
      Of course you are feeling lonely, the two of you are not really communicating effectively. Before you stood up for yourself, your husband would push you away through his attacks and you would still stay close. Now you are pushing back, there is more distance between the two you, but you are supporting your own needs, which you need to do.
      This is a difficult step for many who are abused to accept, that in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship it is all the more important to give to yourself, because you are not getting meaningful or emotional support from your partner or you are getting some but that support is stripped away when their abuse shows up.
      Your husband does not think he has any issues, so he probably will not seek therapy. He doesn’t see that he is part of the problem, his discomfort comes soley from you in his mind. This is the fallacy of abusers, they are not willing to relate to those they hold close because they cannot really relate with their own inner turmoil,
      You will have to make up your own mind as to what you are willing to put with, how much you are willing to hold your ground, when enough is enough and what options you are willing to take.
      Hope this helps

  2. Im in a a very bad emotionaly abusive relatonship.and its ruined my life.i just cant take always in tears.i hate myself and what ive let him do to me .please help me.

    • I know this is a cliche’, but no one is going to help you until you help yourself first. If you are in an abusive relationship and you stay in that relationship, no one can help you because you are not in a place where any help matters. If you have your back against the wall and you feel you have nowhere to turn, no money to get out, no friends that will help you, no skills that will support you, then it makes your first steps more challenging, but no one can take those steps for you. May you are just so emotionally attached to the person who is creating hell for you that you feel you can’t bare the idea of leaving this man who of course has good qualities and it has kept you from overlooking how aweful he really is, you still have to make the choice, to get out. Getting out of the relationship is always the first sign you are willing to help yourself.
      Granted this is not always easy. Youy may need to check with local organizations in your area that help abused women. You should be speaking to a lawyer in your area, because the laws very from one state to the next as to what you are entitled to and what preparation you need to make before you leave so you don’t get screwed legally.
      If you don’t take these or some other actions to get out, the feelings of self hate is some part of you that has integrity, not because you should hate yourself, because self survival dictates that you support yourself, that you get out of harms way and this part of you wants you to take action.
      Please start calling local support groups in your area and some lawyers in your area.
      No one is going to blame you for having been in this relationship and you can get over all the crap he has done. You can get on with your life and rebuild your self esteem, but get away from him ASAP. It is the first step

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