Releasing Anger
The Misunderstood Emotion
Most people misunderstand the function of anger. While the results are often unpredictable and at times destructive, anger is a neurology signal notifying the person some part of their value system has been violated or hurt. Like all emotions, the signal and its interpretation may not be accurate, but its intent is to provide an energy to support the person in standing up for themselves and their values.
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Don’t Internalize anger
The problem comes when the emotion occurs with too much intensity or if instead of releasing anger, it is held on to. The more one internalizes anger the more it makes unfair actions or violations feel personal. Those who consistently carry anger this way never really become efficient at dealing with things they don’t like, understand or can’t control.
Without releasing anger they stop themselves from finding resolution. Over time the emotional residue from negative past events or abuse gets trapped and stored both in the mind and body. Unconsciously they teeter at the emotional threshold of discomfort and even minor discomforts may trigger an outburst.
Those who become effective at processing and releasing anger, get the full benefit of this important neurological signal. Anger is a subconscious feedback signal to help evaluate our interactions with the world. This feedback mechanism is neither good or bad. How we are able to process and interpret these messages and whether we react or respond determines the emotion of anger supports or hinders us.
It doesn’t mean the perspective we get when feeling anger are correct or that the emotion should be expressed. But like all repetitive signals, they should not be ignored, because either you find some means to do something about the violation or some part of you needs reinterpret the perspectives you are holding on to. To suppress the emotion creates unresolved stress, which of course can create all sorts of negative outcomes.
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Anger surfaces in the places we are most sensitive and vulnerable.
These areas need special attention and if we ignore the signals, it can create physiological difficulties. Anger increases our susceptibility to high blood pressure, elevated levels of adrenaline and muscle tension. In the long run, unresolved anger increases the chance of heart attacks, stroke and cholesterol levels. The constant tensing of muscles causes fatigue, stress, headaches, back problems and even affect vision.
Because health issues from anger occur over long periods of time, most disregard the warning signals; continuing to deal with disagreements and adversity inefficiently. Left unchecked, anger supports any number of psychological issues or substance abuse.
Shame is often attributed as an emotion supporting OCD, yet anger can also be a strong contributor to stuck thinking patterns and compulsions. Luckily that which is learned can be relearned. That which is held onto can be released.
At Designed Thinking we hold the emotional states of all clients with the highest regard and believe there are always positive and healthy alternatives available. Our client’s have proved it to us time and time again. Releasing anger and other unwanted emotional responses, making them less personal. If you are serious about changing and ready to explore new ways of being yourself, call our toll free number; 866-718-9995 and explore the options you can have for the rest of your life
Hi – my son has this anger. He wants to reconcile – but when we meet ends up digging old stuff up – getting really angry – trying to isolate himself again. It is sooo sad. He is a dear clever young man in his twenties. I apologise for putting him into hospital – he has moved on – but keeps anger deep down. What can I do? Please please help.
When dealing with issues concerning relationships, there are always many considerations to keep in mind.
We know you son tends to hold on to issues of unfairness. Whether his perspectives are real or vividly perceived matter little, since on a neurological level, the mind does not differentiate between the two.
Since your son keeps digging up old pain and throwing it in your face, it’s likely he has generalized multiple past injustices or issues into one big pit of discomfort.
If this is the case, the hurt from numerous events can suffer with any event he brings up. That will make it difficult for him to effectively process his pain and to communicate it.
If he has associated his pain to you, the anger is a defense mechanism needed to keep you (or anyone else he perceives might hurt him) at bay. He doesn’t trust his relationship with you or his ability to process the affects of the relationship. He most certainly can’t trust his emotions, they overwhelm him. It doesn’t mean he there is no love in the relationship, just he does not have the means to process or express it. It’s doubtful he will be able to tell you what he really wants. My suggestion is, if your son is willing to improve his mental well being, to get him to see a professional.
The problem is when people get into a blaming mode, they think they are right, thus they don’t have to change. But they are the ones holding on to the suffering, which he needs to be able to process more effectively.
When dealing with anyone who is stuck in a particular place of sensitivity, if you want to communicate with them, always ask if you can talk to him first. If the person resists or hesitates, don’t force it and most certainly don’t attempt to address the issue you want to talk about. They are already closed off and any attempt to talk to them brings a high risk of them feeling further violated. Instead ask when it would be a good time to talk
If you get a willingness to talk, delicately bring up the real issue, which is he feels hurt, upset about you or your actions. If he feels he can talk about it, great do your best.
Don’t expect to resolve this in one conversation. This is about opening communications and reestablishing a relationship. If he is unable to comfortably discuss this, ask if he wants to get resolution? Would he like to talk to someone who can help him make some changes? You son may need help in processing his experiences differently.