How to Stop Being Victimized
The signs of abuse can come in many forms: verbal abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, and of course emotional abuse, which quite often leaves the deepest wounds. How these scars effect a person aren’t always easy to comprehend. Over the course of time they erode at the persons core being and forever change their life.
It’s easy to miss the emotional issues motivating an abuser, but the signs of emotional abuse are quite apparent, if you know what you are looking for. The actions of the abuser reflect their inner conflicts and their low self esteem. Their behaviors may seem harsh, but their fragile existence bounces back and forth between avoidance and attacking. By undermining and lowering the self worth of others, they manage the illusion of having some control or power. Yet it is never enough to compensate or satisfy their own insecurities and inner torment. They are not seeking to understand or respect others because they do not fully understand or respect themselves. They have not learned to overcome their own weaknesses, so they look to make others weak. They don’t control their own emotions, so they look to control others hoping it will make them feel worthy. It is not that they want to be this way, but they don’t want to change either, their level of maturity doesn’t allow it. This is not to say they do not have positive qualities, but when it comes to relationships, the have emotional expectations no one can meet because their expectations of themselves is distorted and self defeating.
It is important to remember, while you are the one who is made to feel inadequate, the abuse received seldom has anything to do with you. People only change when they are ready to change and those who are sensitive usually do so reluctantly. One of the hardest things to realize is you will have little to no influence on making deep or lasting changes in the abuser. Victims too often think otherwise, thus they stick around hoping things will change. Others blame themselves for the state of the relationship.
Signs of Emotional Abuse
- Tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to justify actions or ideas
- Accuse and blame to divert attention away from themselves
- Refuse to accept the perspective of others while they irrationally defend their ow positions
- Withhold information so the abused will look bad later on (“you should have known that”). This includes not sharing information you are entitled to
- Not acknowledging the feelings of others
- Slighting or taking digs in a non-aggressive or joking manner, allowing the abuser to say he was just kidding while still being abusive
- Changing the subject to divert attention from themselves
- Making someone feel worthless in an attempt to lower their self-esteem and bring them down to the level of the abuser.
- Threatening or hinting of physical, mental or sexual abuse
- Denying anything is wrong (not being responsible and lying to self)
- Inappropriate emotional out bursts (a form of distracting attention, confusing the abused or shifting blame)
- Controlling others to domineer and limit freedom or expression
- Forgetting commitments and promises.
- Denying success by placing unreasonable demands, unjustly singling out or constantly placing someone in the category of a loser.
- Taking advantage of vulnerabilities using shame, guilt or fear
- Manipulating another person against their will
- Submissive actions
- Cutting someone off so they are not allowed to speak. Suppressing self-expression.
- Eliminating your ability to choose
- Inappropriate questions or comments to evoke an emotional response
- Humiliating someone in front of others or inappropriately pushing their buttons
- Pretending to understand your concerns, and then disregarding them
- Slandering some ones name, reputation, associations or activities
The Long Term Effects of Abuse and Stress Ruin Lives
The long term effects of abuse can include feelings of detachment, isolation, or a distortion of reality. Self-worth and self-esteem are lowered. The past may be difficult to access or memory gaps exist. Unresolved feelings from past abuse can heavily contribute to emotional disorders, including anxiety, panic attacks, stress, depression and OCD.
Stress has been credited for up to 75% of all hospital stays. Studies have shown those who have not come to terms with past abuse, especially abuse suffered in childhood, have a harder time dealing with stressful situations later in life. As life progresses, situations associated to past abuse become more difficult to handle. Understanding emotional and mental abuse is one thing. Releasing beliefs and emotions.attached to abuse is something completely different.
Suffering is Not a Mandatory Function of Life
Yet many people don’t know how to let go and others don’t want to forget. Replaying scenarios over and over again will only have the mind reliving it over and over again, thus the suffering continues. Some carry these events for years, maybe even their entire lives, imprisoned by their own thoughts. For those who believe they can’t let go or worse, believe they deserve to feel bad, it can be helpful to ask “Am I getting any positive results from this in my life?” “How long will I choose to suffer from events that are now over?”
Abuse breeds negative emotions, depleting the body’s energy, clouding clarity of thought, and keeping you from being your best. If you are in an abusive environment, the first step is to get out. That may be a scary thought and your options may seem limited. It is what the abuser wants you to believe, that you have no power. But you do and you must find it within yourself, otherwise you don’t move on with your life.
Healing From Abusive Relationships and Experiences
Work with a professional who can help you sort things out and assist you release old negative emotions. To let go you must take action and to make whatever changes are necessary to move on with your life. The abuse can impede how we process thoughts and emotions, contributing to PTSD, anxiety and OCD.
At Designed Thinking, the approach is to release the discomfort of old painful memories as easily and effortlessly as possible. If past events still trigger anger, frustration, fear, hurt, rejection, shame, guilt, or other negative emotions; they have a hold on you. You want to begin living your life in a new way, because you deserve the opportunity to change.
Before You Begin Recovery
First recognize the signs of emotional abuse. The next step is to get out of the abusive relationship. This is common sense. It’s hard to let go of traumatic memories, raise self confidence and self esteem and move forward with life again if someone is still holding you down. While it is not always easy to do, you have to decide it’s time to move on, to put your needs front and center.
Next identify the emotions you experience from the abuse. Is it guilt, shame, hurt, rejection, sadness, or anger. Take inventory and get in touch with the emotions your nervous system has been signalling you with..
Then get some help. It can be difficult to sort these things out on your own. Find someone who can help you process and work though the discomforts of your situation. Someone who will also help you obtain skills, so in the future you will not find yourself in the same situation again. Nothing changes unless you give yourself a chance to change. Raise your awareness by recognizing the signs of emotional abuse. Decide it’s time to be different and support yourself, your mental and emotional needs in a meaningful and willful manor..
Remember, long term emotional abuse can create all sorts of uncertainty, self doubt and self esteem issues, so give yourself some time heal. For more information on specific negative emotional states, click on the links below or call. Designed Thinking at 866-718-9995.