Designed Thinking

Committed to Helping People Make the Changes They Know They Must

Abuse comes in many forms: verbal, physical, mental, sexual, and of course emotional, which leaves the deepest and most difficult wounds to heal from..

It’s easy to lose perspective of the hidden emotional issues motivating the abuser. Their actions reflect the inner conflicts and self esteem issues they don’t know how or don’t want to deal with. The behaviors exhibited may be tough, but their fragile existence bounces back and forth between avoidance and attacking. By undermining and lowering the self worth of others, they manage the illusion of having some control, but it is never enough to compensate for their own insecurities and inner torment. They are not seeking to understand or respect others because they do not fully understand or respect themselves. They have not learned to overcome their own weaknesses, so they look to make others weak. They don’t control their own emotions, so they look to control others hoping it will make them feel worthy. Unfortunately, it is never enough and ultimately it’s more important for them to be right than it is to change. It is not that they want to be this way, but they don’t want to change either, their level of maturity doesn’t allow it. This is not to say they do not have strengths or they do not mean well, but when it comes to relationships, the have expectations where no one can win

It is important to remember, while you are the one who is made to feel inadequate, the abuse received seldom has anything to do with you. People only change when they are ready to change and those who are sensitive usually do so reluctantly. One of the hardest things to realize, is you will have little to no influence on making deep and lasting changes in the abuser. However if you stick around, their actions can leave scars long after the abuse has ended.

Indications of Abuse

• Tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to justify actions or ideas
• Accuse and blame to divert attention away from themselves
• Refuse to take another's point of view and irrationally defend their position
• Withhold information so the abused will look bad later on ("you should have known that"). This includes not sharing information you are entitled to
• Not acknowledging another's feeling
• Slighting or taking digs in a non-aggressive or joking manner, allowing the abuser to say he was just kidding while still being abusive
• Changing the subject to divert attention from themselves
• Making someone feel worthless in an attempt to lower their self-esteem and bring them down to the level of the abuser.
• Threatening or hinting of physical, mental or sexual abuse
• Denying anything is wrong (not being responsible and lying to self)
• Inappropriate emotional out bursts (a form of distracting attention, confusing the abused or shifting blame)
• Controlling others to domineer and limit freedom or expression
• Forgetting commitments and promises.
• Denying success by placing unreasonable demands, unjustly singling out or constantly placing someone in the category of a loser.
• Taking advantage of vulnerabilities using shame, guilt or fear
• Manipulating another person against their will
• Submissive actions
• Cutting someone off so they are not allowed to speak. Suppressing self-expression.
• Eliminating your ability to choose
• Inappropriate questions or comments to evoke an emotional response
• Humiliating someone in front of others or inappropriately pushing their buttons
• Pretending to understand your concerns, and then disregarding them
• Slandering some ones name, reputation, associations or activities

The long term effects of abuse include detachment, isolation, and a feeling of being unreal or cold to the world. Self-worth and self-esteem are lowered. The past may be hard to access and gaps may exist in ones memories. Unresolved feelings from past abuse can heavily contribute to emotional disorders, including anxiety, panic attacks, stress, depression and OCD.

Stress has been credited for up to 75% of all hospital stays. Those who have not come to terms with past abuse, especially abuse suffered in childhood, will have a harder time dealing with stressful situations later in life. As life progresses, situations associated to past abuse become more difficult to handle. You can try and understand why things happened, yet it may be more important to learn to release the emotions.

Suffering is not a necessity of life, yet some don't know how to let go and others don’t want to forget. If you keep trying to make sense of what happened, your mind will relive it over and over again and the suffering continues. Some carry these events for years, maybe even their entire lives, imprisoned by their own thoughts. If you have the belief you can't let it go, or that you deserve to feel this way, ask yourself "Am I getting any positive results from this in my life?" "How long will I choose to suffer from events that are now over?"

Abuse breeds negative emotions, depleting the body's energy, clouding clarity of thought, and keeping you from being your best. If you are in an abusive environment, get out. That may be a scary thought and your options may seem limited. It often happens after the abuser has made you feel that you have no power, but you do and you must find it within yourself and move on with your life.

HOW CAN I HEAL? By working with a professional who can assist you in releasing past negative emotions. First you have to decide that it's really time for you to let this go, to take action and to make whatever changes are necessary to move on with your life. Abuse can scar how we process our thoughts and emotions, contributing to PTSD, anxiety and OCD.

Our approach is designed to release the discomfort of old painful memories as easily and effortlessly as possible. If past events still trigger anger, frustration, fear, hurt, rejection, shame, guilt, or other negative emotions, isn't time to let go and to begin living your life in a way you can imagine it being different, or do you want to continue feeling bad about yourself forever? Don't you at least deserve the opportunity to change?

BEFORE YOU CAN BEGIN RECOVERY, YOU HAVE TO GET OUT of the abusive relationship. Then you can start to let go of traumatic memories, raise your confidence and self esteem as you start to move forward with your life again, but first you first have to decide it's time to move on. Nothing will change unless you make the decision to change. Reach out today and give yourself a chance. Our toll free number is 866-718-9995.

For more information on specific negative emotional states, click on the links below or give us a call.

Anger & Frustration

Hurt and Rejection

Shame and Guilt

Grief and Sadness

Hours: 9 - 6, Monday - Friday

Updated: Nov 20, 2009

Privacy

All content copyright - Designed Thinking 2009

We have assisted clients in Arizona, Alaska, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, Wisconsin, Ontario, Quebec, Argentina, Brazil, South Africa, Dubia, Japan

Don’t just run from discomfort, Get into your own successful state of mind

Finally Change Your Life

Do the Right Thing & Reach Your Potential