The Quality of Your Life is Dependent on the Quality of Your Thoughts

We often hear the disheartening stories of people who have given up on ever falling in love again, who can't or won't open their hearts to those they have become close to. For them, being intimate means someone will get hurt. You can often hear it in their language with statements such as:

• I'll never get married again
• You can't trust women
• All men are liars and cheats
• People are too weird; I'd rather be by myself

These types of generalizations are made when people have come to the conclusion that relationships equal pain, discomfort, or disappointment. If people seek intimacy while their fears and desires are in conflict, emotional discomfort will create distance from those with whom they want to be close. Some will become workaholics and other stay socially isolated. Life just feels safer that way.

When we haven't let go of past painful memories, negative emotions take the upper hand. We try to avoid rejection and we fear exposing ourselves, while we grapple with issues of trust. But emotions have the ability to be remarkably resilient when we allow ourselves to let go of the past and allow healing to begin

Intimacy and love are abstractions of thought and feeling; they are things we cannot physically hold on to. The emotions we feel exist nowhere in the world except inside of us, and we are the only ones who have the ability to control them. If you can accept this control, you have the opportunity to find trust and a depth of affection limited only by your imagination.

Fear prevents this ability and focuses our thoughts elsewhere. Our minds hold on to beliefs that restrict our ability to love or trust, such as:

• People are out to use me
• Everyone has alternative motives
• Unless they're perfect, I'm not going to waste my time
• Everyone I love will leave me
• I am not deserving of love
• Only those who love you can hurt you

You're not born with these fears, nor are you destined to have them for the rest of your life. When you know how to let them go, the invisible scars from past experiences will disappear.

At Designed Thinking our focus is to get you focused on what you want from your life, not what you don't want. Trusting others means you must first trust yourself. You can't control how other people treat you, but you can learn to control how you react to them. When you think differently, you'll see the world through different eyes and experience different feelings.

Intimacy can be embraced, but only if you're ready to explore the options in front you. The choice to make this change is up to you. It's a big decision to step into a place that up to now you have comfortably avoided but, if you're ready, give us a call and find out if we can help you. 866-718-9995

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Last update June 15, 2007

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